


you were the one that i wanted to fly

by wintae



Category: VICTON (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Drama, Family Issues, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, small mentions of abuse and drug abuse and one tiny suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:37:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9691958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintae/pseuds/wintae
Summary: Subin isn't expecting much when he moves in with his aunt, uncle, and cousin Seungsik.He gets a lot.





	

**Author's Note:**

> inspiration from subin being a momma's boy???? like "i slept in her bed until i was 16" aw cutie momma's boy maknae and theN IT BECAME 9K WORDS... 
> 
> also i dont even like gfriend that much so sorry if it's out of character!!! i needed girls
> 
> sorry for making henry kinda rude @ henry lau ilu 
> 
> also!!! h.o.t. trash right here!!!! yeah. that. @ heejun congrats on ur marriage 
> 
> ALRIGHT HERE WE GO!!! 
> 
> if you want to avoid the suicide mention, just skip the part when sejun is screaming at his dad :-)

When Subin agrees to hang out with his cousin’s friends a month into the school year, he has little expectations that it will continue. He didn’t have a lot of friends before high school, and since he moved in with his aunt, uncle, and Seungsik, he hadn’t gone out much at all. They let him get away with it over summer, figuring that his mother’s passing was fresh on his mind. As the school year kicked in, Aunt Chorong started to push Subin out of his room more. She asked about any extracurriculars he wanted and made sure he knew he is welcome to bring friends home. Subin nodded and smiled, but he didn’t have any friends to bring home. He just had his kitten, Jaws, and a lot of memories. 

Seungsik would talk to him a good amount, coaxing him bit by bit out of his hole. Subin supposes that’s how he got here- in the passenger seat of Seungsik’s car, on their way to a local diner. Seungsik isn’t talking a lot, and the radio is loud enough that they can enjoy the music. Subin’s realizing lately the healing power of music; it’s been a lovely solace for when he misses the times his mom would sing to him. 

(“The healing power of music? You listen to Seungwoo’s bullshit too much,” Chan would say with a scoff, but with his smile, too.

“Hey, Seungsik listens to Seungwoo!” is Subin’s usual response. 

“Seungsik is just whipped,” Chan would reply, and the rest would nod, even though Sejun and Byungchan are arguably more whipped. 

Subin mentioned this to Chan once, and he just waved his hand flippantly. “They’re actually dating, so they’re allowed to be all lovey-dovey and gross. Seungsik doesn’t talk about feelings a lot. Seungwoo doesn’t talk a lot. It’s kind of a catastrophe.”)

Seungsik starts singing along a tiny bit to a BTOB song and Subin wants to cry. He knew Seungsik liked singing and had been in choir for a long time, but he had no idea that he was so good. And he thought he wasn’t bad at singing… Yook Sungjae doesn’t hold a candle to Seungsik right now. 

(“That’s a dirty lie. You have such a boner for Yook Sungjae, admit it.”

“And you didn’t cry when watching Taemin on WGM? Oh wait, you totally did.”

“Shit, did Seungsik tell you that? I’m gonna fucking kill him.” Byungchan told him that, who heard from Sejun, who heard from Hanse, who heard it from Seungsik, who witnessed it firsthand.)

The song ends and the radio host starts talking for a bit. “You’re a very good singer,” Subin says, voice small. Seungsik turns to him with wide eyes. 

“Thank you,” Seungsik replies with a smile. “Do you sing?”

“Not a lot,” Subin says. “Some people said I was good, but I never pursued it.” He tried doing soccer for a bit when he was young, but he came home with one scraped knee and his mom freaked out. He didn’t want to see her upset, so he quit. He hasn’t done any extracurriculars since. 

“You should join my acapella club! We’re looking for another tenor since one of our boys dropped out,” Seungsik exclaims. “These boys you’re meeting are all in the club too. And our advisor, Bomi, is the coolest. She’s good friends with my mom, so you’ll see her around a lot.” Subin nodded along, but he wasn’t sure if he should do it. He always chokes up on school presentations; an acapella performance wouldn’t be that much better. His mom always loved his voice, though. Maybe people besides her should hear it, too. 

“We’re here!” Seungsik says as he pulls into a parking space at a local diner. It’s one of those kitschy places that end up as a common hangout just because it has a certain feel to it, called ‘Plan A Diner’. Seungsik had said earlier that he and his friends meet there every Saturday for dinner. Seungsik parks the car and grabs his wallet. He stops for a second before leaving the car. “Think about it, yeah? The acapella group.” Subin nods and swings out onto the asphalt. 

They enter the diner and Subin is immediately hit with a wall of sound and light. The diner is brightly lit with- Pink. A lot of pink. An intense amount of pink, with the occasional sea-foam green. 

(“Again, with the pretentious color names,” Chan scoffs. “What are you, an interior designer?”)

In the far left corner of the diner, 5 boys sat at a booth with a few hamburgers and a mountain fries in front of them. Seungsik waved at them, and 3 of them waved back. One had dimples to die for and looked as if he breathed aegyo. He raised both his hands to wave, but he was holding hands with another boy, who laughed at his hand being shot up so suddenly. The other boy was really handsome, and this was still true when he popped 4 fries in his mouth at the same time. The other one who waved had a somewhat sly, yet very bright smile. He had immensely chocolate eyes and he blinked like he was trying to flirt with everyone who walked past. 

(“Do I really? I mean, it worked on you, right?”)

One other boy seemed to be staring nowhere in particular, and the last one was- sleeping. He was sleeping, through the loud lights, and the Girls’ Generation song. 

“Hey guys!” Seungsik greets cheerily. “This is my cousin, Subin.” He slides in next to the guy staring off and shoots him a sweet smile. The other guy flushes and smiles back a tiny bit, before scooting in to make more room for Subin. 

“Hey, I’m Byungchan,” dimples guy says, waving yet again, but not with the other guy’s hand this time. 

“I’m Sejun,” the handsome fries guy says next. He had a smear of ketchup on his cheek, and Byungchan scrunches his nose and wipes at the spot with his napkin. The flirty guy fake retches into his sleeve. 

“God, so domestic,” he mutters. “I’m Chan, by the way.” Subin makes eye contact with him and smiles, just a little. He swears he sees a twinkle in Chan’s eye. 

(“Twinkling? Seriously? Am I a fucking fairy or something? And what’s with you and my eyes?”

“They made a statement to me. It’s like, I dunno, the thing that drew me towards you.”

“That’s so gay, Subin.”)

“I’m Seungwoo,” staring guy murmurs. He and Seungsik share the weird smile-thing they did earlier. 

“Nice to meet you all,” Subin says with a bow in his head. 

“You just got into high school, yeah?” Byungchan asks. Subin nods. “Nice! I’m in your grade, and so is Hanse. We’ve all been together since elementary school, though. Most of our mothers are friends.” Subin feels his smile fade just a little, but then someone comes up to their table. 

“Seungsik! What took you so long? They’ve been here for forever!” a waitress says. 

“Hey, don’t exaggerate! It’s only been like ten minutes,” Byungchan whines. 

“Anyways,” she huffs, “your usual? Oh, who’s this? A new member?”

“Hayoung, meet Subin, my cousin. Subin, this is Hayoung, the diner girl.” Subin raises a hand to wave a bit and she waves back with a bright smile. 

“You know, I also go to your school,” Hayoung whines, sticking her tongue out. “I don’t only exist at the diner.” 

“Whatever,” Seungsik replies flippantly. Subin has never seen his cousin like this before… is he flirting? “Just get me my usual.” Hayoung rolls her eyes, but jots something down on her pad. 

“Do you want anything, Subin?” she asks with a kind smile. 

“Hmm, a soda would be nice,” he says. “Diet coke?” She shoots him a thumbs up and goes towards the kitchen. 

“Hayoung works here with her girlfriend, Namjoo,” Seungsik tells Subin. Ah, they definitely weren’t flirting then. “Namjoo graduated last year, but she goes to the college here.” 

“The cutest couple,” Chan muses. “The young, romantic gays…” 

“What are we then?” Sejun whines. 

“You guys are just weird.” 

“Stop berating them because you’re lonely, Chan,” Seungwoo chides. 

“Yes, dad,” Chan replies without missing a beat and a casual air. He then proceeds to take a few fries. 

“What happened to your diet, Chan?” Sejun jabs playfully. 

“Hey, I was just at the gym with Seungwoo. You can’t say anything,” Chan says, brandishing a fry at Sejun. Sejun just takes a bite of it, while Chan stares in horror. “You bastard,” he mutters, throwing the half-eaten fry onto Sejun’s plate. Sejun sticks out his tongue- after swallowing, thankfully. 

“Don’t be such a kid,” Seungsik scolds, as he cuts Byungchan’s steak for him. 

“Mom and dad…” Subin mutters. Chan hears him, and laughs. 

“That’s so true,” Chan says, laughing heartily. “I’m the responsible oldest sibling, Sejun’s the oldest middle child, Hanse’s the weird middle child, Byungchan’s the awkward youngest middle, and Subin is the baby!” Subin smiles at him in silent thanks for including him. 

“Is anyone gonna wake him up?” Seungsik asks, gesturing the the sleeping guy. Subin guesses that it’s Hanse. His hair is a silver-blond color, and his eyes were very long sideways. Seungwoo jostles his side and he blinks awake. 

“What is it,” he mumbles, more as a question. “Oh, hey Seungsik.” 

“Hanse, this is my cousin, Subin,” Seungsik says. Subin waves and Hanse nods. He grabs a few fries and seems to awaken at the first bite. 

“Nice to meet you,” he says with another nod. Hayoung comes back with a hamburger for Seungsik and a soda for Subin, and the conversation moves to a story about Chan’s brother. Subin finds himself laugh and enjoying himself, and even promising to hang with them at lunch. He’s even tempted to join their club. 

~~

“Did you have fun?” Seungsik asks as he starts his car. They had hung out at the diner for almost 2 hours, and they all included Subin into their conversations.

“Yeah, it was nice,” Subin replies. It’s true; it felt good to have a conversation with someone besides his aunt and Jaws. 

“Yeah, they seem to like you. They’re good guys, even if they’re silly at times.”

“I can’t really tell with Seungwoo, though.”

“Seungwoo isn’t great with anything social, really. He does like you, though. He’s a very good guy, and responsible. He’s able to keep me calm, and keep the others down-to-earth too. I appreciate him a lot.” Subin thinks he does more than appreciate him based on the smiles they exchanged and the way Seungsik talks about him. It is good that Seungwoo calms Seunsik down, though; Subin loves his cousin, but he, like his mother, can be overbearing. “Byungchan and Sejun both like you, and Chan likes you too. He’ll like you more if you let him play with Jaws. Hanse likes you, but he’s afraid of cats. He’s a fun guys, though.” 

(“I liked you a shit ton, though. I just loved you with Jaws.”

“Who’s the gay one now?”

“Moot point. We are both super gay. Continue.”)

Subin laughs at the thought of anyone being afraid of Jaws. He’s a tiny gray kitten, less than a year old. He can’t hurt a fly, even if he wanted to. 

“Eat with us at lunch Monday, okay?” Seungsik says with a hopeful smile. Subin nods and turns on the music. 

~~

“Guys, my boyfriend is so hot,” Byungchan whines. “He’s so hot, and I love him.” 

“That’s a good thing,” Seungwoo says. “Why are you complaining?” They’re sitting at their usual table in the corner of the cafeteria. It’s somewhat secluded. 

“Because he’s so hot that all these girls keep confessing to him.” It’s true. Nearly all the girls in Subin’s classes have said at least one comment about Sejun’s looks, but half of them have also talked about Byungchan. And Seungwoo. And the first girl who talked to him at the school was asking about Seungsik. They’re all ridiculously attractive guys. 

(“What about me? Am I not attractive?” 

“If you were as attractive as they are, I’d be jealous all the time. Either way, I like how you look.” 

“What the hell… I thought I told you to stop being so gay, Subin.”)

Byungchan is gesturing and looking fondly at where a girl is presenting a letter and some chocolates to Sejun and he’s doing his best to decline. He looks uncomfortable, but still like he’s done it before. Which is true. 

“Why are all the girls confessing to you guys and not the actually straight guy?” Hanse mutters bitterly. 

“Excuse you, I am bisexual,” Chan says. Hanse shrugs. 

“I’ve seen you get a boner to Kikwang doing girl group dances. I think that says a lot about which way you lean most.” Chan sticks his tongue out, but doesn’t seem all that embarrassed. Subin would’ve flushed bright red immediately. 

(“Aw, our innocent baby Subin.”

“Stop calling me a baby, it’s weird!”)

“Do the girls not know that you’re dating?” Subin asks. 

“No, not really,” Byungchan replies. “Sejun’s dad is homophobic, and he’s the main benefactor of the school. He’s a bit of a helicopter parent, too. The teachers would hear and tell him, so we hide it as much as possible.” Subin feels himself dampen at that. It’s not fair that they have to hide their relationship from the world like that. 

“They’re good at it at school, but terrible everywhere else,” Hanse says. Byungchan nods concedingly. Subin thinks back to the way they were holding hands and wiping each other’s faces in the diner and finds himself agreeing. 

“My mom’s sandwiches are terrible,” Seungwoo grumbles. Subin bites his lip and takes another sip of his Diet Coke. 

“My mom doesn’t even make my food,” Byungchan says. “My older brother has to. I wish she would make something, though.” 

Seungsik looks towards Subin and touches his hand. Subin gives him a tight smile, stands, and walks away, muttering something about the bathroom. 

He takes 5 minutes to come back, and Chan stays by his side with an arm around his shoulder for the rest of lunch. He seems casual, but Subin’s blush is far from it.

~~

“Subin, give me your phone number!” Chan says on Thursday, issuing a large intense blush on Subin’s face. Chan seems confident, but in a different way than usual. Subin doesn’t quite know how to feel. 

He feels kind of odd about how embarrassed he is. Sejun and Hanse have both asked for his number, but he didn’t feel like this before. Logically, Chan is just one of the guys. Subin just can’t seem to think logically with him. 

(“You’re like constantly flustered. It’s honestly so adorable. Like right now! See, you just blushed!”

“Stop teasing me.”

“You are the cutest.”

“How the hell do I focus on anything with you around?”)

~~

Subin was invited to Byungchan’s house for a sleepover. Chan and Hanse came as well, but everyone else was busy. Byungchan seemed a little put off at first that Sejun couldn’t come, but they had fun. Subin brought Jaws by request and Hanse stayed on the other side of wherever Jaws was. They watched Mean Girls because Chan freaked out when Subin said he had never seen it. They drowned themselves in popcorn and pizza. 

And naturally, they started playing ten fingers at around midnight. Subin had all fingers up, and Chan has most of his down. Byungchan was a close second, but Chan had kissed a girl when he hasn’t. Hanse surprisingly hadn’t kissed a girl, but he did admit to kissing someone. 

It’s Byungchan’s turn now, and he spends about ten seconds thinking. “Hmmm… never have I ever done drugs.” Hanse and Chan shake their heads, but Subin gingerly lowers his thumb after a soft clap. 

“Whoa, seriously?” Chan says. “When did this happen?” Subin chewed on his bottom lip for a few seconds before deciding to say something. 

“One of my mom’s boyfriend did a lot of drugs, not entirely sure which ones, but I was only 7 and since it was constantly in the air of our apartment, it was in my system a lot. He dated my mom for a year, and after they broke up, I legitimately went through withdrawals because it was so much. It wasn’t necessarily my choice, but it still happened. I’m not planning on doing drugs or drinking in the future because of that.” The others are stunned into silence at that. 

“That’s terrible,” Byungchan murmurs with a frown. “He doesn’t seem like a good guy.” 

Subin shrugs. “He was actually one of the better guys in the grand scheme of things. That’s all past, though.” 

Hanse, Chan and Byungchan still seem concerned. They push him a little bit until he indicates that it’s Chan’s turn, who takes it as a cue to change the subject. 

Chan gives him a soft smile after his turn is over, and it kind of takes Subin’s breath away. It’s been happening more often lately, like his breath is being ripped out of him and given to Chan to play with. Like Chan is teaching his heart tricks the same way he teaches Jaws tricks. And then when he stops, Subin is left into withdrawals; maybe that’s why his mom acted the way she did after every breakup. Maybe that’s why she always went back. 

(“I was going to make fun of you for being cheesy, but now I’m just sad.” 

“Sorry.” 

“No need to apologize. What did I tell you about that? If you apologize too much, people will walk straight over you.”)

~~

The morning after, Chan and Subin were the first ones awake. The night before, Byungchan said he left out some cereal and they could help themselves if they were hungry. 

“I’m gonna get some cereal,” Chan mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “Wanna come with?” Subin nodded and scooped up Jaws before following Chan to the kitchen. They ended up sitting on the floor of the kitchen with mugs of cereal and milk because they were too lazy to look elsewhere for bowls. 

“Have you decided to officially join our acapella club? We’re going to start preparing for our performance for the homecoming rally soon,” Chan asks between spoons of cereal. 

“I think I might,” Subin replies, swatting Jaws away from where he’s been attempting to drink from Subin’s mug. “I don’t think I’d get a solo, but I wouldn’t do one if it was offered.”

“Why not? You’re good.” Chan frowns, and his lower lip pouts a bit. Sejun and Byungchan have a lot of aegyo in rather obvious ways, but Chan just integrates his own style of aegyo in his personality. He pouts when he’s upset or confused and he does little dances when he’s excited. Subin likes that; if Chan’s aegyo was like Byungchan, he would’ve combusted a long time ago. 

(“Hey, put those hands down. This doesn’t give you permission to start doing aegyo now. I would like to keep my head on straight, and, you know, NOT COMBUST. Don’t you dare ‘shy shy shy’ me.”

“Party pooper.”)

“I’d want to get comfortable with performing first. I don’t know how I’ll do on stage in a group, much less singing a solo part.” Chan nods concedingly. “The only people I’ve sang for ever is you guys and my mom. A lot of people I don’t know would be different.”

“That’s understandable. You should get a solo sometime later, though.” Subin says nothing to that, choosing to get a large scoop of cereal instead. 

~~

“Subin,” Aunt Chorong calls from the door to his room. Subin sits up from the carpet, where he was half-playing with Jaws and half-attempting to begin his literature essay. 

“Yeah?” he replies, rubbing his eyes. 

“Uh, your father is on the phone,” she says, shifting on her feet and biting the inside of her cheek. She’s holding the home phone on her right hand, and she waves it a little bit. Subin stares blankly at it for a second before gritting his teeth. “He wants to talk to you.” 

Subin nods, scoops up Jaws in one hand, grabs the phone, and moves into the living room. He gets comfortable on an armchair before placing the phone to his ear. 

“Hey, Dad,” Subin says after a second. 

“Hey, kiddo,” his dad says, and he sounds so tired. “How are you?” 

“I’m alright,” Subin replies. “I started high school. I’m living with Aunt Chorong. I made some friends through Seungsik and I’m sort of part of his acapella club.” 

“That’s god,” his dad replies. “I’m glad to hear you’re doing well.” There’s a small pause, and maybe Subin should ask how he is, but he doesn’t want to know that much. It’s probably the same as always. 

“I haven’t talked to you since Eunji died.” There it is; there’s what he didn’t want to talk about. “How are you holding up with that?” 

“By not talking about it,” Subin grumbles as Jaws begins to drift off on his lap. Subin is jealous; he wants to sleep now. 

His dad doesn’t seem to know what to say now. He can only really hear breathing on the end. It’s sad, because he only gets 30 minutes, and they can’t always fill them up with things to say. 

“I… I actually have good news,” his dad says. “For good behavior, I can get visitors once a month. And I’ll be released on parole in 6 months.” Subin blinks a few minutes in surprise. 

“Whoa, that’s amazing, Dad,” Subin says, and it’s one of the most genuine things he’s said on these phone calls yet. “So I can visit? And where will you go after you’re released?” 

“Yes, I’d like it if you visited,” he replies, and he sounds happy and tired, which is the best he’s heard him in a while. “I’m gonna try and reach my friend from college, you remember him, right? Heejun? He owns a dance academy and he says I could help him with the logistics as an assistant. I could brush up on my dancing more as well, and if I can get back to my previous level, he says I could teach a class.” Subin finds himself smiling. He feels hopeful for the first time in a long time. 

“That’s awesome Dad. Does he live in the area?” 

“I think he lives in the next town over. I’d love it if you came on weekends, maybe. I don’t think I’d have the funds to support you and I need to ease into life outside of jail. It’ll be hard, but I’m gonna do my best. I really do feel a change in myself.” Subin chews on his lip. This is where it gets tricky; this is where they got caught up last time. 

“Hey, kiddo, I gotta go. I’ll call again and tell you or Chorong the times you can visit.” 

“Ok, Dad. It was good hearing from you. I’ll come visit you soon,” Subin says, and he isn’t sure if his heart is in his throat or on the floor. He knows objectively that it is beating, but he can’t feel it. 

~~

Chan usually likes to walk him in between his math class and literature class. Chan has English after his math class and Subin’s literature class is on the way. It’s something Subin has said he doesn’t have to do multiple times, since his math teacher is famous for keeping them a little past the bell, but Chan brushes him off and waits for him every time. It always makes his heart flutter and he giggles in a way that Chan never fails to remind that he thinks it’s cute. 

This time, Subin has to talk to his teacher after class, so Chan is just waiting by the door. 

“I’m sorry, seonsang-nim, but I will be missing school on Friday,” Subin says. 

“That’s alright, Subin. You’re doing well in this class, so it shouldn’t be a problem,” the teacher replies, and Subin gives a small smiles. “Be sure to ask a classmate for your notes and assignment.” Subin nods and goes to meet up with Chan at the door. 

“You won’t be here on Friday?” Chan asks. Subin nods, biting his lips and readjusting his backpack straps. “Why?” 

“Oh, I’m, uh, visiting my dad. He can’t see me very often, so I’m going then.” Chan nods, and looks like he wants to pry, but he thankfully stops himself. Subin might’ve told him, if it weren’t so busy. Maybe another time, in a quieter place, they could sit and Subin could give him the rest of what he’s taken. 

~~

Subin looks at the pink letter in his hands with confusion. It smells very floral, going towards suffocatingly aromatic. It was in his locker when he checked that morning. Byungchan is standing next to him, since their lockers are close together, and he gasps. 

“Oh. My. God,” Byungchan squeals. 

“What? What is this?” Subin says, confused as he sees his name written in so-swirly-you-can-barely-read-it hangul on the blank side. 

“That’s a love letter. Someone wants to confess to you!”, Byungchan replies, like it’s obvious, and Subin doesn’t know anything about normal high school life.

(“You don’t! You didn’t talk for so long! You can’t know these things unless you talk!”)

“But this stuff is for, like, you, and Sejun, and Seungsik, and Seungwoo,” Subin replies, a confused pout on his face. “The handsome ones, you know.” 

“You’re handsome too, silly! Come on, open it!” Subin begins to pry it open slowly with his fingers when Chan and Seungsik come up. “Oh my god, guys, Subin got his first confession letter.” 

“Whoa,” Seungsik replies, his eyes wide, but he’s not nearly as excited or fussy as Subin thought he would be. Same goes for Chan, their resident gossip; he just seems detached and a little upset, if anything. Subin bites his bottom lip and pries open the letter carefully. There’s a card inside, bright pink and about the size of a large index card. He opens the card and begins to read it. 

“It says to meet her in the front yard after school,” Subin says quietly. He’s still in disbelief. “There’s no real signature, just a ‘J’.” 

“You should go and check it out, even if you don’t think you’ll say yes,” Sejun says, having sidled up in the beginning. “It’s only kind to turn her down in person. Or if you will say yes, you should obviously go.” 

“I don’t think I’ll say yes,” Subin replies. “I’m, uh, only really interested in guys.” Chan seems to relax a little bit. They all nod and continue on with the conversation. 

Subin goes to meet this girl to turn her down. Her name is Park Junghyun and she’s in his English and Science classes. He turns her down by saying he’s not interested in dating anyone right now. She accepts it, but still makes him keep the chocolates she got him. She seemed disappointed, but she ended with a wish to even just be friends if they won’t date. Subin says he’ll keep that in mind and goes to meet Seungsik. As he fills Seungsik in on what happened, he finds himself smiling a little. It felt nice to be loved like that, even if he wasn’t interested in her. 

~~

In the coming months, a few thing change- some for the better, and some for the worse. 

Subin gains more confidence and gets closer with his friend group. Once he got comfortable, he began laughing more freely and making a lot of jokes. The group was really impressed the first time he joined into the teasing and made an energetic joke. They always made sure to laugh to encourage him, and because he was genuinely funny, but they shot him fatherly smiles afterwards. 

They also learned each other's boundaries. Byungchan can be a little over excited sometimes, and it comes on rather strong. Chan is very touchy, so sometimes Subin gets a little uncomfortable, but Chan takes the feedback well. 

Surprisingly, he and Sejun get along really well. He and Chan were always close, but Sejun became a good friend of his in a different way than Chan. It was different because Sejun will definitely never have romantic interest in Subin, but Chan is a possibility. Subin was able to feel more comfortable with Sejun because of that. 

Subin has opened up to most of them about his family situation in bits and pieces. He never goes into much detail, but the others seem to understand why and don’t push him about it. Sejun has opened up to him about how controlling his father is with stories of how he’s not letting his mom file for divorce, is considering getting Sejun an arranged marriage, and other suffocating actions. Subin is able to relate with family issues, especially when he talked about his parents fighting. He saw his mom and dad fight a lot before he went to jail, and then his mom and her boyfriends fight as well. 

Subin visits his father 3 times, along with aunt Chorong. One time, he came with Heejun so they could discuss future plans. The visits have been nice, but are emotionally hard. He has to miss school each time, though, so it’s hard to catch up again. It seems like Heejun will be able to help his dad get on his feet and Subin will stay with him on the weekends. He probably won’t have full custody over him by the time Subin leaves for college, but everyone seems to think that’s for the best. 

One of the most surprising things that happens is close to Christmas. Sejun rushes up to Subin in between his second-to-last and last period rather frantically. “Subin, did you hear about Seungsik?” he says, grabbing onto his hands and shaking them. 

“What? What happened?” Subin replies, frowning. 

“He accepted a confession from a girl!” 

“But… he likes…” 

“I know,” Sejun says in a low voice, shaking his head slightly. He leans in so people won’t eavesdrop. “He said he was tired of waiting. Seungwoo has told him that he likes him, but he won’t actually ask him out. He’s dating this girl Yuna, the one who joined our club recently.” That’s another big change; there’s been an influx of girls joining the acapella club since their first performance. They got 6 girls- Yewon, Yuna, two girls named Eunbi, Sojung, and Yerin- all at once and then a few more trickling in. A foreigner named Henry also joined, and a few other boys are considering joining. Seungsik says they might have to make it an audition instead of a shadow-then-join. Yerin seems to be interested in Hanse in a romantic sense, but he’s unsure because she’s older than him. It’s better than the two Eunbis, because they’re fighting over Sejun, who is definitely taken. There’s a rumor the Yewon likes Subin, but it wouldn’t matter anyways. Everyone could see Yuna’s interest in Seungsik, though. He didn’t notice that much, but Seungwoo certainly did. 

“Man,” Subin muttered. “This is a mess.” Sejun nods. 

“And now that the acapella club is bigger, people will really start to wonder why Byungchan and I always reject confessions. People have started questioning it in the right direction and it’s getting scary.” 

“Sejun,” Subin sighs, swinging their hands. “I hate to break it to you, but it’ll have to come out at some point. You have one more year of high school after 5 more months of this year, and Byungchan has another year more than that. You can’t reject confessions for so long without getting more suspicions.” Sejun bites on his bottom lip and releases a deep breath. 

“You’re right,” he says. “I just don’t know what will happen when it all blows up. I just don’t want Byungchan to get hurt.” 

~~

So, Seungsik has a girlfriend. Subin didn’t even think he was bisexual, but he evidently seems to be. He does look genuinely interested in Yuna and barely spares a glance at Seungwoo, who rarely shows up anymore. Byungchan is rather hurt that Seungsik is spending so much time with Yuna, even more than the others. He relies on Seungsik the most of them all, so he’s floundering and wandering around like a depressed giraffe. Even Jaws has started ignoring Seungsik since he isn’t around enough to fulfill his attention needs. 

The one who is the least concerned is, surprisingly, Chan. 

“I understand where he’s coming from,” Chan has said a few times. When questioned further, he replies with, “I’ve been in this position- the oblivious crush one. It gets tiring. I haven’t had it for nearly as long as those two have, so I can only imagine how pissed Seungsik is.” 

(“Ok, I know your head was up your ass for a long time, but how did you miss this one? Honestly, I didn’t even try to mask the fact that I had an oblivious crush.” 

“I know, Sejun mentioned that to me later. I just thought it was wishful thinking from him.”)

“How long has Seungsik had a crush on him?” Yerin asks. Their 7-person group is diminishing and growing at the same time. Seungsik is with Yuna, Seungwoo is whoever knows where, and Yerin and Henry are sitting with them, Yerin sidled up to Hanse and Henry sending heart eyes at Chan. It’s been pissing Subin off that he does that. 

“Like… two months into freshman year?” Chan replies after thinking for a bit. “He kept whining about how he didn’t want to be gay because of the lack of cute gay guys in our area and Seungwoo just shrugged and said he was gay. Heart eyes and playing house galore ever since. I felt like I was third-wheeling for the whole year, but I couldn’t say shit without them kicking me.” 

“Aunt Chorong is worried about Seungsik too,” Subin mentions. “He hasn’t been at a family dinner in a week, and before that, he’d only come 2 or 3 times a week. We have family dinner most every night, even if Uncle Jaewon is working.” Everyone grimaces and sighs. Everything has fallen apart with Seungsik’s end-all. 

“Honestly, Yuna’s kind of… obsessive. And clingy. She always has been. I’m worried for Seungsik because he’s gonna want to break up with her for that eventually and she won’t take it well,” Yerin says. “Yuna brings him out to our friend group’s hangout and it’s getting kind of weird at this point. She almost brought him to a sleepover, but Sojung shot her down. She threw a fit and didn’t come to the sleepover.” 

“This is a mess,” Byungchan whines, falling face first into his math textbook. Everyone is pretty sure that the statement applies to both math and the 2Seung issue.

“Honestly, Seungwoo is normally pretty melancholy, but he looks like absolute shit,” Sejun says. “I’m considering texting Sunhwa to see if she can talk to him about it. I hate seeing him so sad like this.” 

“I’m so upset, I even told my dad about this in my last phone call, even when we only have 30 minutes to speak,” Subin blurts before remembering not everyone knows of his dad’s situation. 

“Why do you only have 30 minutes?” Byungchan asks, eyebrows scrunching. Chan and Sejun look at Subin and at each other in mild panic, unsure if they should say anything. 

“I guess I should say this, but can we move on after I say it?” Subin says hesitantly. Everyone nods, and Subin takes a deep breath. “My dad is in jail. Has been since I was 7. He’s getting out soon.” Silence spreads across the table. “No one tell anyone outside this table. Let’s move on, please.” 

They move on. 

~~

Hanse and Yerin start dating on New Years. Henry confesses to Chan in the first school week of the New Year, gets turned down, and quits the acapella club. Both Eunbis confess to Sejun, who tells them no, tells them he’s gay and taken, and they all became ridiculously close after that. Subin is unsure, but he thinks the two Eunbis might now be dating. Don’t take his word for it. 

(“Oh, they totally were.”)

He’ll talk to the others still, but will avoid Chan, and oddly enough, Subin. Subin didn’t like Henry that much anyways, but it’s still weird.

Aunt Chorong lays down the law for Seungsik, who sheepishly comes for 5 family dinners a week, even if he barely speaks or pays attention, which usually happens, even if he goes out with Yuna right after, which also usually happens. Once before dinner, he tries talking to Subin about what they used to talk about- singing, family, emotions, school, etc- and Subin just looks at him with confused eyes while scratching Jaws. He gives a half-assed answer, says he has homework to work on, and closes his door on him. 

Sejun said things were getting tenser at his house, so sometimes he would come and stay the night with Subin once every two weeks. He said Byungchan’s parents know that they’re dating, so he can’t stay there. Apparently, uncle Jaewon used to be friends with Sejun’s dad, but they’ve had different views recently- primarily on gay marriage and women’s rights laws- so Sejun is welcomed with open arms if he needs a place to stay. 

Seungsik paid a little more attention to family dinners if Sejun was there. It was one of the dinners that Sejun was around when he mentioned bringing Yuna to dinner sometime. 

“I suppose that would be nice, since you’re spending so much time with her,” Aunt Chorong says with a rather genuine smile. Uncle Jaewon frowns a little but nods. “Are you guys close with her, Sejun and Subin?” 

“Um, not really,” Subin replies in between spoonfuls of soup. “She doesn’t hang out with us as much as some of her other friends.” 

“Do she not hang out with Seungsik much?” Jaewon asks. He works a good bit, and weird, constantly changing hours, but he does keep track with his son and nephew’s friend group as much as possible. 

“We don’t see that much of Seungsik either,” Sejun mutters, not looking up from his plate. The conversation dies down a little. 

When Sejun and Subin get ready for bed, they hear Seungsik and Uncle Jaewon yelling downstairs. Sejun cries, and Subin can only imagine that it feels like he came here to get away from something like what was happening downstairs, just to find it here too. Subin turns the lights on and they video call Byungchan until 2 AM, when Aunt Chorong catches them. Instead of chastising them as expected, she gives them a tired smile and tells them all to go to bed. They listen, because she just looks that tired. 

~~

Sejun’s life blows over on a Friday. He hadn’t stayed at Subin and Seungsik’s house in 2 weeks, but his dad comes by the school Friday lunch. Sejun is coming over to where Byungchan, Hanse, Subin, Chan, Yerin, and the Eunbis are gathered for lunch. He’s more stomping than anything, a stubborn and furious look that Subin has only seen glimpses of on his face , and a stern looking man in a suit comes after him. 

“Im Sejun, don’t walk away when I’m talking to you!” the man says brusquely. Sejun turns on his feet and spreads them apart.

“Why should I? It’s not like you ever listen to anything I want to say,” he backfires. It’s the angriest any of them have ever seen him. 

“I do listen to you. What are you talking about?” 

“No, you don’t! You listen to what you tell me to say. Because, God forbid, I could have an opinion! Or make a decision about my life! Maybe defend my mother in this abusive relationship you are forcing her to stay in.” Sejun’s voice is getting louder; his dad’s face is getting redder. “And heaven forbid we talk about emotions! Like how mom feels because she knows you’re cheating on her, and how you haven’t gotten over your little brother’s suicide that you were the main reason for, and how I’m in love with a boy!” Sejun recoils at the end of that statement, and Byungchan’s hand is over his mouth in shock. 

“You’re not gay,” his father hisses. “You can’t be gay. You’re in this family; you brought that girl to your room at the party last week.”

“I’m gay, Dad! I’m your son, who is gay. Your son, who has been dating a boy for almost a year now. Your son, who brought a girl up to his room, paid her $20, sent her out the window in the library, and brought his boyfriend in.” Everyone is silent and gaping. Sejun throws his head back and bellows, “You heard it here folks! Im Sejun is gay! Im Sejun is in love with Choi Byungchan! No, I will not accept your confession!” Byungchan’s hands are still over his mouth, but his eyes have teared up and crinkled, like he is smiling. 

Sejun’s father looks furious, and then somewhere in the crowd, there’s a clap- it’s Chan. Then it’s Hanse and Yerin, and Subin, and the Eunbis, and most of the crowd joins in applauding them. Subin sees Seungwoo, and Seungsik and Yuna. Some girls grumble and leave one way because the pretty boys they love are dating each other. 

And then, Byungchan runs into Sejun’s arms. 

“Don’t bother coming home, you hear!” Sejun’s father sputters. 

“That’s ok, he’s always got a place with Kang Jaewon,” Subin retorts, seeing that Sejun is a little busy with being lovey-dovey with his boyfriend. Sejun’s father huffs and turns away, out of the cafeteria. Sejun barely gives him a glance as he leaves, too busy focusing on his boyfriend. 

~~

Sejun comes home with Subin that day, both of them recalling the experience in excited tones to Aunt Chorong on the ride home (Seungsik only drives Subin home twice a week, and sometimes he drops Subin off and goes to Yuna’s house.) She tells Sejun that she’s proud of him for sticking up for himself. 

Aunt Chorong also mentions that this night, Yuna will come over for dinner. Sejun and Subin make flippant, yet affirmative noises. 

Uncle Jaewon was home, as it was a rare day off for him. He greeted Sejun enthusiastically; apparently, Sejun’s mother had called him to tell him the whole story and tell him that she had finally packed up and left that afternoon. 

“She’ll come by to pick you up tomorrow morning,” Jaewon says. “She’s using the day to stay at her parents’ house and figure out some arrangements, but she thinks she can move in with a friend until she can get your guys an apartment. I also gave her the contact for Hyunsik, a family friend who is a lawyer. He should help her get a divorce settled.” 

“Oh my god,” Sejun exhales in glee. “Things are working out.” Subin claps and sends Sejun off to call Byungchan. 

“Subin? Want to help me with dinner tonight?” Aunt Chorong calls from the kitchen. Subin has been taking up more interest in cooking and baking. Last weekend, he had Chan over for lunch and he made alfredo sauce from scratch. Chan seemed impressed and told him to pursue it. He then brought Subin to his dance studio and taught him some dance moves until they both fell over laughing and exhausted. That was nice. 

(“It was pretty hands-on.” 

“That sounds like an innuendo, but it actually was hands-on.”

“I meant it to sound like an innuendo.” 

“And I meant to ruin your fun. Now, shut up.”)

Subin agrees eagerly to help cook and joins her in the kitchen. Sejun spends a while talking to Byungchan, and afterwards, he feeds Jaws for Subin and plays with him. Eventually, dinner is on the table, and it’s almost time to eat. Sejun and Subin are setting the table when Yuna and Seungsik show up, hand in hand. They greet each other awkwardly and go out to greet Aunt Chorong and Uncle Jaewon. Subin goes to grab his phone from the living room and finds Yuna by herself, trying to coax Jaws from where he’s dove under the chair. 

“You like cats?” Subin asks. He might as well try to get to know her if she’s dating his cousin. 

“Yeah. I had two when I was young, but my step-dad’s allergic, so we can’t get a new one,” she replies. Subin helps bring Jaws out and lets her hold him for a bit. He can’t help but notice the energy buzzing from her. Subin is calm with Jaws, and it makes Jaws feel comfortable. No wonder he got scared of her. How does calm, motherly Seungsik deal with this? 

Her overbearing energy only gets more noticeable and more daunting during dinner. Subin even goes to the bathroom halfway through dinner to get away from her (and text Chan about how obnoxious she is.) Sejun seems to have lost some of his excitement from before. When they mention how great it is that Sejun stood up to his dad, she attempts to change the subject to her immediately. Subin finds himself exchanging looks with Sejun and even Uncle Jaewon throughout the dinner. It’s a miracle Aunt Chorong seems to keep her cool and be generous to her. 

After the grueling dinner, of which the best part was when she offhandedly complemented Subin’s chicken, Seungsik walks Yuna out to her car. This time, Seungsik wasn’t hanging out with her after dinner. He was staying in, by request of Aunt Chorong and demand of Uncle Jaewon. 

~~

Subin finds himself sitting on his bed with Jaws on his chest, thinking while Sejun takes a shower and Chan drives over to hang out. And he finds a connection in two major parts in his life. Chan comes up to his room as he starts getting sad, and immediately slides onto one side of the bed to cuddle up to Subin. 

By the time Sejun comes out of the shower, Subin is tearing up rather significantly. Sejun throws on some clothes and curls up next to him on the bed, petting his hair until he’s ready to talk. 

“It feels like my family,” Subin starts quietly. “My mom’s dead. She’s not there anymore. Seungsik isn’t either, and he was the mom, one half of the backbone. And my dad’s barely there. I’ve only seen Seungwoo 4 times in the past two weeks. He’s the dad, the other half. He’s not there emotionally. And it’s a mess. I’ve never had many friends, and things got so much better when Seungsik introduced me to you guys. He was like a brother to me, and now he’s never even there. Like my mom, with every boyfriend she got. I was barely there when they were around. She missed my elementary school graduation for a date, and came home drunk later. I love my mom, but she wasn’t very good at being a mom. Aunt Chorong knows that she shouldn’t try to fill that spot in my life, but my friends started filling it, especially Seungsik. But he left, just like she did all the time. It’s like I can never keep anything in my life.” 

“We’re here, Subin,” Chan says, pressing his head to Subin’s, their lips just centimeters away from touching. “I can’t promise we’ll never leave, but I’ll sure as hell try to stay with you until I can’t.” 

“What about college,” Subin says more than asks. “You’re leaving then. I’m young.” Chan gives him a smile with something behind it Subin just can’t place. 

“I’m going to college here,” Chan replies. “You don’t have to worry.”

~~

It’s the first Subin has heard of it. Chan’s been openly updating people on his acceptances and choosing process for colleges, and their local college is good, but not the best that he had gotten into. It’s the cheapest, but he’d be able to afford going somewhere else. Chan had been excited to go somewhere else and become independent. So why would he stay now? 

Sejun hasn’t the faintest of clues either. Chan hadn’t told them why he had chosen this school when he had hung out with him, brushing it off with a ‘we don’t need to talk about the heavy stuff anymore’. When Chan left, they had brainstormed ideas until it was time for bed. 

Honestly, it’s been bothering Subin an awful lot. He thought he and Chan were pretty close. Chan knows most everything about him (aka his family history) and they hang out a lot. Subin has asked Byungchan and Hanse if they might know, but they seem unaware. The best idea is to ask people in his year, so either missing Seungwoo, or boyfriend extraordinaire Seungsik. 

So, Subin devotes some energy to finding Seungwoo. 

~~

Subin finds Seungwoo that night, and it isn’t that hard. He actually got a job at Plan A Diner, thus explaining some of his disappearances. While he wasn’t at most of their hangouts or with them at lunch, he never missed a diner run on Saturdays. 

“My break is in 10 minutes, so if you want to grab a seat and maybe order something, I’ll come talk to you then,” Seungwoo says, escorting Subin to their usual spot. “Do you want anything?” Subin orders an Oreo milkshake and some onion rings, since Chan isn’t there to judge him on it. 

(“Goddammit, more onion rings. What’s your thing with onion rings?” 

“They’re a perfectly acceptable substitute for french fries!”

“No substitutes are even needed for french fries. You traitor. No, stop rolling your eyes at me!”)

After 3 hard levels of Flow, Seungwoo slides onto the other side of the booth. 

“What’s up?” Seungwoo says. He looks less indifferent, and more perky. He looked terrible right after Seungsik began dating the Terror, but he seems to have picked himself up. 

“I’m a little concerned,” Subin replies. “About Chan. He always said he wanted to go to a college out of the city, but he recently told me he committed to the one in town. He’d even gotten into other colleges that he was more interested in. He wouldn’t tell me the reason, so I’m unsure if something changed.” 

Seungwoo nods, biting his lip. He takes his time before replying while stretching his back. “Understandable concern, but I don’t think you have to worry about it. Chan has a good, but not overly-attached relationship with his family. If something changed in his family, he might be inclined to stay. That’s a possibility. He doesn’t tell others his issues very often, a lot like me, actually. Honestly, the three of us never did. It’s a miracle we had anything to talk about for a year.” Seungwoo catches himself there. He’d been talking about Seungsik. He collects himself and continues. “I think this just means that something has changed, in his family or in his friends. I think someone gave him a reason to stay.” Seungwoo looks at Subin, as if searching for something. For some recognition. 

Subin recognizes for a second, but dismisses it. He isn’t enough to make anyone want to stay, certainly not someone great as Chan. 

“You’re going to the same university as Seungsik, right?” Subin asks. Seungwoo’s complexion saddens. “You know, you should probably do something to reconcile so it isn’t awkward. Also, I hate Yuna. She’s obsessive and arrogant. He seems kind of stuck with her, unless you do something about it.” Subin pushes his empty glass and basket away, wipes his hands, and throws a ten on the table. He slings on his jacket and turns to leave. After a few steps, he turns back. “You should think about it. He’d come see you if you asked. I know it.” He turns back and leaves the diner. 

~~

Seungsik is home for most of the weekend, surprisingly. Friday night, he seemed upset, and he didn’t leave the house like he normally did after dinner. When he was still there on Saturday afternoon, Subin texted Seungwoo that he should probably do something now, since he was free and presumably upset. 

Seungsik dashed out of his room very quickly 5 minutes later. He then rushed into Subin’s room 4 hours later, smashed his head into his bed and half-screamed, half-squealed. They spent the night brainstorming the best way to deal with his love life. It felt nice to have him back. Jaws seemed to like it too. 

Then on Sunday, he broke up with Yuna, and he brought Subin for emotional support. She didn’t take it well, as expected, but Seungsik stayed firm on his decision while being understanding. One point for Assertive Mom Seungsik. 

Afterwards, they stuffed themselves at the diner with Chan and Hanse. Seungwoo was working, but he placed a kiss on Seungsik’s cheek after seating them. Chan screamed and Hanse’s jaw dropped. They all spent at least 3 hours catching up and listening to Seungsik apologize too much. Sejun and Byungchan were on date night, but they caught them at the end of it. Byungchan might have cried a little; he will definitely deny it if you ask. 

Subin and Jaws ended up sleeping on Seungsik’s bed that night. Subin felt really glad to have his cousin back. He won’t have his mom back, but his friends do a damn good job as it stands already. 

~~

Subin is picking up on something. He thinks Chan has a crush on someone. 

Evidence 1:

He used to have some form of happiness in his eyes when looking at the relationships in the group. Now, he looks wistful, and jealous. 

Evidence 2: 

He’s very distracted lately. His playfulness is turned down. He’s not sad, however, more dreamy. 

Evidence 3: 

He usually cries at sad romance movies, but he was crying at _Clueless_ the other day. Like, what? 

Evidence 4: 

Everyone who he asks about laughs at him, implying that they already know. Which is nasty, because that means Subin is very oblivious. 

He likes to think that he isn’t that oblivious because he notices a lot of changes in dynamics and can be rather witty, but he guesses he just has a harder time when it’s one person instead of a group. No matter how close they are. 

~~

Subin has been regularly getting confessions since Junghyun, and all from girls, by the heteronormative bullshit the school follows. So, he denies them all, and some take it better than others.

Then, a different sort of confession happens. 

There’s a flower, per usual- this time a violet. The card, however, is a deep red instead of the usual pink. There’s no intense scent on it either, but there is the faint scent of Old Spice. 

“Holy shit,” Sejun says. “I think that’s from a boy.” 

“At least they’re getting the right idea,” Subin mutters, opening the card. This time, the request is to meet him on the roof of the school during lunch. “This really is different from the rest of them. I’m impressed.” 

He goes to the roof, and he’s unsure this time what to say. He thinks he’ll turn him down overall, partly because of the looming change about to come in his life- the return of his father- and the fact that he’s come to terms with his crush on Chan. (“Why did it take you 9 months?”) 

He’s thinking of the best ways to turn this guys down, when he comes up, and this kid turns around and _holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit-_

And then it’s Chan’s big eyes, sparkling with charm, and he’s always worn his heart in his smile, God, how could Subin have missed it? Maybe he never did, maybe Subin knew the whole time. Maybe he didn’t want to know. And then he’s running, on autopilot, he doesn’t know if he told his legs to move- 

And, shit, they’re kissing and SHIT. 

(“I don’t know how else to describe it.”

“Do you forget it? Gosh, I guess that’s how much I mean to you…” 

“No! No, no, I just… It’s more a mess of emotions as a memory than what actually happened. You know? It was overwhelming. In a good way.” 

“I’m just teasing. You’re super cute. I have a super cute boyfriend. Awesome! Yes, cute boyfriend. That’s it.”)

~~ extra

“Why did you switch schools?” Subin asks as they climb down the stairs hand in hand. “It’s been bothering me.”

“Unfortunately, it’s not just because I wanted to date you,” Chan teases. 

“I know that,” Subin pouts. Chan laughs and pokes his cheek. 

“No, my brother is in the army and his girlfriend is pregnant. She’s pretty young and her parents won’t take her in. My parents, being the morally sane people they are, are taking her in and supporting her. So, I decided I’ll take one for the team. I can transfer later, but I want to lend a hand with the kid.” 

Subin nods, and blushes thinking about Chan holding baby. That sounds ideal. 

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, though. Let’s do things one at a time. They have plenty of time for everything.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! i hope you enjoyed it!!! <3 
> 
> kudos and comments appreciated!!!!
> 
> hmu on twit @onjunhui


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